FAQ-Epilogue and Updates
Have you witnessed any change in yourself since the beginning of the project–what did you learn or discover?
The answer to this is not affected only by this project. It seems inevitable that the rest of my life coincidentally aligns with my art. Over the summer, I discovered a dating site that is dedicated to connecting sugar daddies with sugar babies. There is an entire world of married men living double lives, who are willing to pay women to be their mistresses, and are willing to pay for the connection service. They have no trouble listing their marital status, their income, and their monthly sugar baby budget. My brother and his wife separated, and are going though divorce. My cousin and her husband separated, and are going through divorce. My grandfather died, leaving behind the love of his life, his wife of 65 years. Two of my friends from college got married. One of my friends from college bought a house with her boyfriend. All of these things gave me reason to pause and were perhaps part of the motivation and driving force of the project.
I was looking for answers to many questions, but what it boils down to, is that I wanted to figure out what most people expect from marriage, what I expect from a marriage, and if I want one. Marriage isn’t a gold medal, a mere milestone in life, an answer to a question, or a resolution to loneliness. It is something that a lot of people do because it is expected of them, and they have not been presented with a socially acceptable alternative. It is a contract. And one that doesn’t seem to work for most people. I do have a much clearer sense of what I want out of life and my relationships. I still want many of the things on the list “WHAT I WANT (in a partner, lover…)” as qualities in someone I want to share my life with. What I want is as simple as that–someone to share my life with, someone to enjoy life with. A partnership.
Another important aspect of A Decent Proposal was exploring the ways that relationships are affected by media, and technology. Between online dating services, and social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, and reality television, recording, reporting, and reviewing our personal lives have become a part of leisure. We are allowed to be famous in these locations. Our lives have become a form of entertainment, and our relationships simply an extension of the venue, with consequences so subtle, they are able to build over time, apparently without any notice. Although I am able to keep in touch with friends in other cities and countries, I spend more time in front of a machine, than I do with actual people in my life.
Besides a disconnection from those who are dear to us, with constant interaction with the internet, we have become implicated in feeding ourselves a cycle of targeted advertising and consumerism. This is apparent as this project would not have been as successful without a website, Facebook, and Google. I was able to specifically advertise to the men I wanted to find. I just had to pay about $300 a month for it.
As far as relationships involving transactions, I went about it in an obvious way, in an attempt to open dialog about things we don’t realize we pay for. If I can be expected to pay $39.99 a month to have access to all the single men in New York City, paying $20 for a proposal seems like it’s not that far off in reality. I wish that I had not been able to pay anyone to propose to me. That shows me that things (in our country at least) have gone so far away from the sacredness that marriage and family are supposed to be. It’s quite disappointing actually.
“Do you have any real prospects?” and “Did anyone sweep you off your feet?”
All of the men who proposed to me, or sent me a proposal idea seem like quality men, with a lot of heart. Their ideas were creative, fun, and would make many women quite happy. I am looking for a spark so bright, that it seems too good to be true, but is in fact real and reciprocated. Unfortunately, I did not feel that with any of the proposers. I did however, make some new friends, and lasting connections with people all over the country. I found many people and artists who are attempting to answer the same questions I am. I found people who truly understood all the levels of complexity in the project, which, lets face it, is what most people really want anyway–to be understood. And through a direct connection with the project, though it wasn’t a proposer, I did get swept off my feet by a very special man.
